Well, that was one of the darkest episodes of Below Deck Mediterranean to ever air. And truly, what we just witnessed was on a savage, Shakespearian level of shadiness. But hey, at least Malia White’s Instagram post from last week is making a whole lot more sense right about now.
During last week’s episode, we watched Hannah Ferrier have a gnarly panic attack and her then-roommate Malia comfort her in the night. But when Hannah said she needed a valium to calm down, Malia asked, “Isn’t that a prescription?” and then took to Instagram to explain the seriousness of drugs on a boat.
This week, now that her pal Kiko is gone, as is a plate of questionable curry, Hannah’s not feeling so hot and so she skips the crew day out at the beach, choosing instead to stay in her bunk to watch movies and eat toast. But if she thought she felt sick that day, it got a whole lot worse the next morning when Malia presents the idea of switching bunks so that she can move in with her boyfriend Tom, the yacht’s new chef, Rob can move in with his moving-way-too-fast-gf Jess, and then Bugsy would move into Hannah’s bunk. Hannah’s not thrilled about it but agrees to chat with Bugs and Malia tells her, “Hopefully you guys can both be professional about it.” Mmk.
But this is the rare time Bugs and Hannah are on the same page, both agreeing it would be “an unnecessary risk” to mess with their functioning working relationship and that it would be “so awkward” for them to change now with just a couple weeks left in the season. So Hannah tells Malia, nah, we’re all set, and Malia asks, “And how fair do you think that is to the rest of the crew?” arguing that two couples (four people total) are being inconvenienced just because Hannah and Bugs would rather not share the same quarters. Malia also argues that couples on boats seem to get priority for sharing rooms together, but Hannah is quick to tell her, “Just because there’s a couple onboard doesn’t mean things go exactly your way.” To this, Malia simply tells her to “Fucking man up and share a cabin.”
Malia then complains to Captain Sandy that she’s “just like, done” and Sandy borrows her radio to make the executive decision and announcement to the crew that since Tom is doing them a favor and is the highest-ranking person below deck, it’s his choice and he will be sharing a room with Malia. Oh, and this is while Hannah is on a 10-minute break.
This leaves Bugs with the pleasure of telling Hannah they will be cabin buddies, and Hannah offers the following to Malia in her interview: “Just do your job and bang your boyfriend at the end of the season like normal people.”
So Malia’s gotten her way: her boyfriend’s not only onboard but also they’re bunkmates, but before she leaves her room with Hannah, she has time to take one last picture for her scrapbook. While she’s in the bathroom, the sound of an iPhone taking a picture can be heard, followed by her muttering, “Goddammit.”
That night, Captain Sandy gets a text that says, “I’m sorry but I have to report this.” It includes what appears to be a package of valium pills, a weed pen, and an object monogrammed with the initials HF, all laid out in a spread worthy of an Instagram influencer’s morning coffee and copy of Vogue magazine.
So just as the crew is beginning to stir in the morning, First Mate David is called to Captain Sandy’s office. “I just need to do the procedures and the protocol and I want you to be there for the whole thing,” she tells him, as Hannah enters the room to ask Captain Sandy if a bathrobe belongs to her. She takes a quick glance at the image on Sandy’s phone and worry fills her face. “Hannah, it’s been brought to my attention that you have drugs on board,” Sandy tells her, before we’re hit with that “TO BE CONTINUED.”
Did Hannah get fired from Below Deck Med?
Well, not officially…but that is likely followed up by a big: yet. What else could “procedures and the protocol” really mean? This is why Malia, though perhaps an episode early, went on such a long rant explaining the drug policies on boats last week. Is it the rules to report that? Yes. But what was the sound of the cap dropping last week when she was comforting Hannah? Was this really the first time she saw the drugs in their shared cabin they’d been in for at least two weeks plus at this point? Or was this retaliation for the 10 minutes of stress Hannah caused her about switching rooms? All things to ponder until next week’s episode is able to be continued…
Below Deck Mediterranean airs Monday at 9pm ET/PT on Bravo.
Where to stream Below Deck Mediterranean